What Hurt You…

“If you don’t heal from what hurt you, you’ll bleed on the people who didn’t cut you.”

In some relationships I’ve experienced I’ve been the receiver of unresolved wounds. If you’re an individual that has spent years processing, releasing, and staring old wounds in the face then recognizing when you’re in the line of fire of another’s old pains or belief patterns becomes very clear.

It’s like I needed to say… “I want to talk to you more about this but can you please do some release and anger work not around me, because it’s coming out at me in a way that is not really appropriate or skillful. I can see why you may be triggered. I can see why you may be angry or hurt and where it may stem from, and in this circumstance, I cannot hold space for you. It’s not my role, but I honor your healing and I’m willing to be beside you as you process. It hurts me to know you’ve been carrying this pain but it’s not my fault or my responsibility to receive your projected behavior in this way… 

and I love you.”

Boundaries. Real loving boundaries.

We all have pain that we carry and sometimes, in relationships, the honest, loving, understanding conversations can only happen after individuals have done their deeper inner healing.  In real true relationships we will trigger the sh%t out of each other and we need to be willing to own our stuff… not drop it at the other’s feet expecting them to pick it up.

At the end of the day we all want to be seen, acknowledged, and validated. When we are projecting we do not allow room for someone to truly see our authentic self, we keep ourselves barricaded in our self-protected walls, alone.  Hey, I’ll be the first to admit it can be hard. When a tough situation arises It can be hard for me to admit that what’s actually happening may not be equal to my reaction or interpretation. It can be hard to say ‘I’m triggered and it is not you… it is not about what just happened, it is a painful piece from my past or an old belief pattern.” Or, “I need a minute to step back and regroup because I’m triggered and don’t want to take this out on you.”  

Wow!  Wouldn’t that be refreshing… Wouldn’t that take the heat out of any situation??  I believe this is a pivotal point towards empathy, compassion, whatever you want to call it.  Imagine ~ you’re in a heated situation or conversation with your beloved and your partner gets triggered but then pauses and says something to the liking.  Wouldn’t that make you stop and feel the deep journal of your partner’s heart and make you want to give them a big loving supportive hug?! It’s a vulnerable moment, and in the heat of things, can often be very challenging to articulate.  However, here is where I choose to put my focused emotional work… here is where I choose to be with my beloved. It does take two aware, focused, loving, and awake individuals to process life together this way, and I will not settle or waiver until I have met my equal in this arena.  We all deserve this type of relationship. Are you willing to take responsibility for your own stories, pains, and beliefs?  

You know the old saying, “When I am pointing the finger at someone else there’s always three pointing back at me.”  So I ask you to inquire, how can you better own your story?…. 

What are you THINKING??… Thoughts are the culprits that create and reinforce suffering.  What’s the programming in your unconscious mind? Are you responding from childhood wounds?  Are you reacting out of a pure addiction to an old belief pattern? Our past only exists in our mind.  What happened is OVER. You are here. Now. 

And we always have a choice… in the gap… before we respond.  Are we responding to the current moment or reacting (unconsciously) to an emotional trigger from the past. 

It is yours to know and ponder….

And let it be known, through it all; You are beautiful. You are loved. You are enough. You matter. 

So when our old worn-out story starts playing over and over again in our head, and is wreaking havoc in our present life, can we ask ourselves, “Is this really true?”,  “Is this REALLY what’s happening NOW?”. And can we give our loving partner (and friends) the benefit of the doubt?… maybe ask them if what they are saying or doing is actually in congruence with the story we’ve convinced ourselves must be true… the story in our head.  Can we be vulnerable enough to inquire? And then vulnerable enough to share the actual story we are telling ourselves in our head at that moment??  Here, and only here, is the place of authentic communication. We can NEVER (yes, very appropriate use of this word!) know what is in another’s head without asking.  If we are willing to take the first step to seek to better understand and give the benefit of the doubt, rather than make an assumption that our story is true, then we can create loving space and relationships we all truly deserve and desire.  Don’t wait! … be the first to show up with your vulnerable self ~ trust! Stop blaming and start sharing what hurt you with the ones you care about, then you can begin the healing. You’ll most likely be sweetly surprised by their compassion, understanding, and support. 

Release it and be free!

So here’s to healing from what hurt you, you just like me, it is always a work in progress. 

I encourage you! Be willing!!  Don’t give up!!!

Big love. ♥

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